Today is pretty dreary. Today i'm feeling pretty down. Yesterday was mother's day, and i was feeling ok about the day but in the back of my mind was all the pain i knew women in my life were feeling. Women who have lost a pregnancy, a child, or the dream of having children. The pain is deep, and the pain is mostly unrecognized.
I read an article from Still Standing Magazine about healing mother's day. It really touched me. I made a comment about it to my family (I was out at my parents house yesterday) about how mother's who have experienced a loss or have had problems just TTC in the first place feel very alone and alienated on mother's day. So my older brother makes a stupid comment (trying to be funny and be sarcastic) about you're only a worthwhile mother if you have kids (like, living kids). I told him if he had said that 4 years previous i would have punched him right there. His wife apologized for him but he never did. I don't think he realized how upset that comment made me.
It was a really stupid and hurtful thing to say to a woman who has a child in heaven. Sure, i have a child here on earth, but part of our family is in heaven. I am no less of a mother because of that. But in our society there is just all this weirdness surrounding loss. No one wants to talk about it, acknowledge it, and in that way, YOU are not acknowledged as a mother. I hate it.
So today i'm just feeling very depressed. I'm hurting and i'm not sure exactly why, just that I am. Our daughter's birthday is coming up at the end of this month. FOUR YEARS. It's so hard to swallow for some reason.
so far this year i've been doing pretty well. I haven't been feeling too funky or upset. I guess i just saved up all those feelings for now and they all are fighting to be let out.
I read an article from Still Standing Magazine about healing mother's day. It really touched me. I made a comment about it to my family (I was out at my parents house yesterday) about how mother's who have experienced a loss or have had problems just TTC in the first place feel very alone and alienated on mother's day. So my older brother makes a stupid comment (trying to be funny and be sarcastic) about you're only a worthwhile mother if you have kids (like, living kids). I told him if he had said that 4 years previous i would have punched him right there. His wife apologized for him but he never did. I don't think he realized how upset that comment made me.
It was a really stupid and hurtful thing to say to a woman who has a child in heaven. Sure, i have a child here on earth, but part of our family is in heaven. I am no less of a mother because of that. But in our society there is just all this weirdness surrounding loss. No one wants to talk about it, acknowledge it, and in that way, YOU are not acknowledged as a mother. I hate it.
So today i'm just feeling very depressed. I'm hurting and i'm not sure exactly why, just that I am. Our daughter's birthday is coming up at the end of this month. FOUR YEARS. It's so hard to swallow for some reason.
so far this year i've been doing pretty well. I haven't been feeling too funky or upset. I guess i just saved up all those feelings for now and they all are fighting to be let out.
so not sure why i'm posting today. I guess i just want to try sharing a little bit of how i'm feeling...
Read the article I posted. Maybe you can help a mother in your life that is hurting more than you know.
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