We Are All Human: Being Proactive

Are you a person who hears a story and thinks 

'that would never happen to me' or 'I would never do that'.

Well, you're wrong.  

Terrible things happen, even to people who never though it would happen to them.

Today i'm talking about leaving a child in the car.

I've heard the stories.  I thought the same thing, that i would NEVER do that.  But as time has gone on as a mother, i've realized that i have faults.  I get busy, i get distracted, i'm forgetful.  

If i can leave the back door wide open while running errands (true story), or forget that the stove is on, forget to pick someone up, forget i have company coming over....then i can forget my child in the car.

It happens when our mind is on other things.  When our scheduled is different.  When we're in a hurry.  When baby is sleeping in the back and we forget they are there.  It happens.

It could even be someone else who does.  Grandma has baby for the day, or daddy picked your child up from daycare when he normally doesn't.  

It happens to real people with real lives.

Here are stories i heard just today from people i *know*.

"I see so, so many people that pass harsh judgement on the parents/caregivers that do this. And you're right, nobody thinks they'll *ever* do it. You know what? I'd like to think I would never do it either. I can tell you though, I had my daughter on a shopping trip with me once and I got home, walked into the house without getting her. I had *completely* forgotten she was with me because the trip was just out of routine for me. Right after I got in I got this feeling that I was forgetting something, I stood there for a moment and thought about it, then it just hit me that it was her that I forgot. I felt HORRIBLE. Thankfully it was during the fall and she was only in the car after I got in the house for maybe 20 seconds. But it happened. That doesn't make me a bad parent, it makes me human."

" My husband has done that. our first born was about 6 months old and he took him to store to get ice cream. He was wandering up and down the ice cream isle, trying to decide what to get when it all of a sudden occurred to him that he was supposed to have a baby with him. He went FLYING back out to the car. Thankfully it was after dark and not hot. in fact, it may have been cold but he was dressed warmly and fine. my husband found a lady standing by our car playing peekaboo with him. fortunately, she didn't panic and call the cops or something. she just stood there to make sure he was ok. I think she was waiting to see if it seemed like a parent who just didn't want to take their kid in with them or a parent who simply made a mistake. Regardless, I don't think my hubby was a bad parent. I think that was probably his first time going anywhere alone with the baby."

"I know when our 4 year old was a baby my husband and I left her in the car for like 5 minutes because we both thought the other one got her. SCARY!!!! And I still feel guilty remembering her sitting there alone. Lucky for us, it was cool in the garage. But it happens."

" I took my son with me to my place of work once (he stayed home with Dad 99% of the time) and took about 4-5 steps away from the car on "autopilot" before I remembered I had him with me...it was one of the scariest things ever."

"I hate to admit this.... I've done it. It makes me sick and my heart races every time I remember.
My son was not quite a year old when my daughter (11) and I needed to make a quick trip to the store.
I left diaper bag at home and only took my wallet, which I put in my daughters bag. We got to Walmart, got inside and as we were nearing the back of the store (I always start in the back and work forward for some reason) she asked to go a different direction. I told her fine, but hold her bag tightly because my wallet was in there.
As she walked away, I was thinking, "why does she have my wallet? Why is it not in the diaper bag? Why didn't I bring the diaper bag? Oh, because I left baby with dad. NO I DIDN'T!! OH MY GOSH!!!!"
I started screaming for my daughter to come back. She did as we both ran out of the store. Got to the van and he was just sitting there in his seat. It had only been about 5 minutes, but to me it felt like forever. I grabbed him and held him so tight he probably thought I'd never let go.
I was so shaken. It is a terrible feeling!!!! He's now just over three and I constantly look in his seat multiple times when getting out of the vehicle. Even when he's not with me.

It CAN happen to anybody!! I've heard parents say that it won't happen to them. That a responsible parent wouldn't let it happen. HELLO?!?! I AM responsible. I made a mistake. One I regret and get the sick feeling over and over again.
It's NOT ok to leave a child in a car, but it can easily happen. Just take precautions."

Real people. Just like you.  

"Unfortunately, even the most conscientious parents can overlook a sleeping baby in a car. “The biggest mistake people make is to think ‘It couldn’t happen to me,’” Fennell said. “Memory experts point out that if you’ve ever forgotten a pot left burning on the stove, you’ve seen how easy it is to have a dangerous memory lapse.” source

"On a day that is just 72 degrees Fahrenheit, the temperature [inside a car] can increase by 30 to 40 degrees in an hour, and 70% of this increase occurs the first 30 minutes." source

A child's body temperature can raise 5 times faster than an adult.  Heatstroke can happen when the outside temperature is as low as 57 degrees.  Heatstroke deaths have been recorded 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states.  source

Heatstroke deaths have been recorded in 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states. - See more at: http://www.safekids.org/preventing-heatstroke#sthash.sFZcQupZ.dpuf

 

Heatstroke deaths have been recorded in 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states. - See more at: http://www.safekids.org/preventing-heatstroke#sthash.sFZcQupZ.dpuf

Heatstroke deaths have been recorded in 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states. - See more at: http://www.safekids.org/preventing-heatstroke#sthash.sFZcQupZ.dpuf

Heatstroke deaths have been recorded in 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states. - See more at: http://www.safekids.org/preventing-heatstroke#sthash.sFZcQupZ.dpuf

Heatstroke deaths have been recorded in 11 months of the year in nearly all 50 states. - See more at: http://www.safekids.org/preventing-heatstroke#sthash.sFZcQupZ.dpufSource

So instead of saying it would never happen, be proactive.  Take precautions.  Be sure it never does happen to you. 

• Put something in the back seat so you have to open the door when leaving the vehicle – cell phone, employee badge, handbag, etc.
  
• Or place their diaper bag in the front seat with your purse so you'll see it (can be a danger if you do not take a diaper bag with you always though)

• Have a stuffed animal.  Move it from the car seat to the front seat to remind you when you have a baby in the back seat.
  
•  Make a habit of looking in the vehicle — front and back — before locking the door and walking away

• Ask the childcare provider to call if the child does not show up for care as expected
  • Teach children that a vehicle is not a play area and store keys out of a child’s reach
  • Keep your cell phone in the back with the child. You can set an alarm when you’re supposed to have been at the child care to remind you they are in the back seat.
  
   And as an onlooker, what would you do?  Many of us are slightly oblivious to the world around us.  Would you notice a baby left in a car?  What would you do if you heard a baby crying in a car?  Would you look to see if the baby is ok?  Would you assume they are with their caregiver? 
  From ABC's What Would You Do experiment:
  "After two days of filming we learned that while many people were simply too busy or distracted to notice a sleeping baby, many others simply didn't know what to do once they spotted our child. Many of those who did act said that they had seen news reports and knew about the dangers of leaving children in locked cars."
  
  Dial 911 immediately if you see an unattended child in a car. EMS professionals are trained to determine if a child is in trouble. 
  
  This video is heart-wrenching but the message is clear.  Be proactive.  No not allow a child to be left in a car.
  

 And remember to ALWAYS leave your car locked to protect a child for becoming trapped in one.

Please, pass this on.  So many think this will never happen to them, but it can.  Lets stop it.

Car Seat Safety In an Unlikely Place

Hello blog land. 
This post may be lengthy, but oh so important to read, so please, read to the end and pass on to all you know.

Today i'm going to be talking about car seat safety yet again.  This time it is a place many 

have probably never thought to take a car seat.

A Plane

At this point you are probably thinking 'why in the world do you need a car seat on a plane, if it crashes, there is no chance anyways of survival, a car seat is not going to help'.

This statement is just simply not true.  The two most dangerous times during a flight are take off and landing.  There are hardly ever crashes from 6 miles up.  Most crashes happen close to the ground and are survivable.  And example is just the plane crash that happened in San Fransisco yesterday,  the plain was carrying more than 300 people and only 2 fatalities.   The survival rate in U.S. plane crashes from 1983 to 2000 was 95 percent, according to the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board). 

When flying with a child, most parents choose to check their car seat.  Almost all parents with a child under the age of two fly with their child in their lap as this is legal and free.  This is in no way safe, even though it is allowed, but because it is allowed, many parents feel that it is safe.

A few things to think about.  Before the flight takes off, EVERY item must be stowed away.  Books, phones, baggage, everything.  Yet your child who can weigh 20lbs+ is allowed to sit unrestrained on your lap.  Items are stored away to protect passengers in the event of an accident, your child is no different.

A plane taking off and landing is traveling at 150 MPH.  If something were to happen at those speeds you would not be able to hold onto your child.  A 20lb child traveling 150 MPH would have 3,000 LBS of force behind them!  Even a 7 LBS infant would have 1,050 LBS of force!  You try holding on to something traveling 150 MPH that suddenly weighs over 1,000 LBS.  

It's not going to happen. 
And if there is an emergency and you need to leave the aircraft quickly, you want to be sure you KNOW where your child is, right next to you safe in their seat.  Did you know that in the event of a crash many mothers are instructed to place their lap baby *under* the seat and try to hold them down with their feet?  Can you even imagine?
And even if you could hold onto them, or lets say you have your child in a carrier in your lap, YOUR body is still going to be thrown forward and your child is now your personal airbag against the seat in front of you.  A horrible though, i know, but it's the truth of the situation.

The only safe place for your child is in a car seat next to you, even your child above the age of 2.  They should be sitting in a car seat just as they would traveling in a car, the laws of phyiscs still apply on a plane, except the plane is traveling *much* faster.  So if your child sits rear facing in the car, they should rear face on the plane, if they are forward facing, you should bring their seat on board for them to forward face in.  Just a lap belt is not safe.

Now, lets say take off and landing goes fine, as it does the majority of the time.  Your child is still not safe in your lap.  Turbulance happens very often on planes and many times without warning.  Just look at this photograph of a flight this last May 

Imagine trying to hold onto your child as the plane jolts about or even free falls in the sky.  Not a pleasant thought.

Another reason why it is best to bring your car seat on board the flight with you is because of how bad luggage is treated.  I'm sure we've all had a bag that was damaged while flying.  The same can happen with your car seat, but the worst part is, you might not be able to see the damage that was done.  Car seats are made for one impact only.  That's it.  You are supposed to replace them after *ANY* kind of accident.  With a checked car seat, you do not know what happened to it.  It might have been thrown down the ramp to the ground when you gate checked it, it might have fallen off the conveyor belt, or it was thrown about during the flight since luggage is not tied down. 

Just watch as this baggage handler throws these car seats on the ground.  You would not want to use your car seat after this abuse.


Your car seat could even be lost leaving you without a seat on the other end of your trip.  I know some people do not even take their car seat and rent one on the other side.  These should not be used. You don't know their history, if they've been treated well, cleaned properly, peed in, puked in, pooped in, eaten in (especially worrying if your child has allergies), recalled, expired. They are not to be trusted.  The same would go with having your family or friends getting you a seat on the other side of your trip.  You know *nothing* about the seat.  It could have been mistreated, in a crash, who knows what and you might not know.

Here is a crash test showing an expired seat
Now, what about your older child?  I mentioned above you shoudl also bring your car seat on board.  One it to prevent damage to the seat, the other is to keep yoru child as safe as possible.  On an airplane they will only have a lap belt.  Watch this crash test of a 6 year old with a lap belt only in a car crashing at only 30 MPH


Now remember where i said a plane is traveling at 150 MPH?

And there is also the aspect of keeping your child rear facing, which is safest.  Here is a video showing rear facing vs forward facing in a car accident (again, this crash is only at 30 MPH)


A child is 500% safer rear facing than forward facing and it is recommended to keep a child rear facing to a minimum of 2 years old, and 4 years old rear facing is the best.  This still applies on a plane.

For your older children, booster seats are not allowed to be used on the plane. You can do is bring your booster seat onboard as a carry on and store it in the overhead bin (to keep it safe from the baggage handlers and so it does not get lost).  There is a CARES harness that can be used, but it is only appoved for children 22-44lbs.  IF you had a SAFE car seat on the other side of your trip (borowing a seat from someone who you would trust your child's life with), then you could use a CARES instead of bringing a car seat. But it is only safe to use for children 22-44lbs.

The last reason i give for bringing your car seat on board the plane is just plain CONVENIENCE!

 Your child knows their car seat, they know what to expect when they ride in one (a long trip where they cannot move) and they feel comfortable in it.  You have your lap free to eat, read or play with your baby and your baby has a safe place to nap and ride and play and eat (and a happy baby is less likely to cry and disturb other passengers).  On the flip side try sitting on your couch for however long your flight is with your child on your lap with only a couple toys to entertain them.  Try drinking from your cup, having a snack and keeping yourself sane.  Do not put your child down. Doesn't sound very pleasant now does it?

 

Also if you bring your car seat on board that means your child is a ticketed passenger and that means extra bags you can take on board!  This can come in handy for supplies or all the gifts baby will get at the end of your destination ;)

I hope that i have been able to open your mind a little bit and see the other side of a very serious matter.  I know the idea of buying a seperate ticket for your child seems crazy and expensive.  But you have to do it anyways when they are 2, what magically happens at 2 that we keep our children safer?  If you cannot afford a safe seat for your child, then you just cannot afford to fly.  If the law no longer allowed lap children we would either come up with the money, drive, or not fly.  Our children's lives are worth the extra expense.

I would love for this post to be shared far and wide with as many people as possible.  I never knew that a lap child was in danger until someone spoke up to me.  Do the same for someone else.  Speak up and share what you learned.To sum up this post i wanted to share this video from the NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board).  Watch the crash test video it contains...

From the FAA:
Did you know the safest place for your little one during turbulence or an emergency is in a government-approved child restraint system (CRS) or device, not on your lap?

From the AAP:
Occupant protection policies for children younger than 2 years on aircraft are inconsistent with all other national policies on safe transportation. Children younger than 2 years are not required to be restrained or secured on aircraft during takeoff, landing, and conditions of turbulence. They are permitted to be held on the lap of an adult. Preventable injuries and deaths have occurred in children younger than 2 years who were unrestrained in aircraft during survivable crashes and conditions of turbulence. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a mandatory federal requirement for restraint use for children on aircraft.

From the NTSB:
Chairman Hersman stated, "We appreciate the FAAC acknowledging the dangers associated with children flying on their parents' laps, but we would have preferred to see the FAA be mandated to require that every person including our youngest children be restrained appropriately for their age and size." She continued, "We know that the safest place for children younger than age two traveling on airplanes is in an appropriate child safety seat. The era of the lap child on airplanes should come to an end."

Air travel links:
http://www.faa.gov/passengers/fly_children/crs/
http://flyingwithchildren.blogspot.com/
http://carseatblog.com/6599/airplanes-carseats-and-kids%E2%80%94what-you-need-to-know-pt-1/
http://carseatblog.com/6635/airplanes-carseats-and-kids%E2%80%94what-you-need-to-know-pt-2/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=spYWuO20fCM
http://www.ntsb.gov/news/2010/101215.html
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/108/5/1218.full
http://www.tc.gc.ca/eng/air-passengers-children-564.htm


Travel tips from Car Seats for The Littles on Facebook

TRAVEL HINTS: 
How to get the carseat(s) through the airport

• Use a stroller and stack the carseats on it, then babywear the child or have the child walk
• Use a GoGo Kidz
• Use a luggage cart with bungee cords (can work for multiple seats at once)

Use a Traveling Toddler

• How to get a child through the airport
• Baby wear
• Use a stroller
• If they still fit in an infant seat, use the infant seat and stroller or frame and gate check the stroller
• Have them walk
• Let them sit in the carseat on the GoGo Kidz/luggage cart/Traveling Toddler
• Let them sit on the suitcase itself

Things to bring

• Diapers/portable potty. Bring about a diaper an hour, or a potty with a removable and disposable liner.
• Snacks for children eating solids, bottles and formula if you need
• A few small favorite games and toys and books
• A few new small games or toys or books (don't forget to bring new for the return trip)
• A change of clothes and a clean shirt for you
• Any lovey/comfort item
• Spare pacis if they're used
• An empty sippy cup for an older child (have the flight attendant fill it during the drink rounds so you don't need to deal with it at security)

Tricks of travel:

• If you have two people and the row seats three, book the window and aisle. The middle will be the last to fill. Usually there will be three people in the row, but this increases your chances of having three seats for two people. People don't mind giving up the middle 99% of the time
• Offer to buy a drink for anyone around you who seems annoyed by a child. Especially if their rear facing seat is in the way of reclining. “I'm sorry my child's safety seat is in the way. Can I offer to buy you a drink for your inconvenience?”
• Classic big Britax convertibles and the Combi Coccoro will need a seatbelt extender forward facing for ease of uninstallation. Ask for one as you get on board from the flight attendant.
• American carriers are required to abide by the FAA regulations. Nearly all convertibles and infant seats are FAA approved to their weight limits rear and forward facing. However, internationally, carriers are not required to follow the FAA regulations. Check your airline's rules before you fly, and ideally before you purchase so you are not surprised on the plane.
• Carry a copy of the FAA regulations with you, in case there's a flight attendant who is not aware of the carseat rules.http://www.airweb.faa.gov/Regulatory_and_Guidance_Library/rgAdvisoryCircular.nsf/0/ 60d70126cf679d5a8625723b007841e7/$FILE/AC%20120-87A.pdf
• Remember that even long trips are a few hours or a day of your life and your child's life. If they scream and are That Baby for the entire flight, you've annoyed a few people for a few hours. You have not permanently scarred anyone for life, and it will be over soon.

What are your thoughts?  Have you ever taken your car seat on board with you?  What is your experience?

Mother's Day Aftermath

Today is pretty dreary.  Today i'm feeling pretty down.  Yesterday was mother's day, and i was feeling ok about the day but in the back of my mind was all the pain i knew women in my life were feeling.  Women who have lost a pregnancy, a child, or the dream of having children.  The pain is deep, and the pain is mostly unrecognized. 

I read an article from Still Standing Magazine about healing mother's day.  It really touched me.  I made a comment about it to my family (I was out at my parents house yesterday)  about how mother's who have experienced a loss or have had problems just TTC in the first place feel very alone and alienated on mother's day. So my older brother makes a stupid comment (trying to be funny and be sarcastic) about you're only a worthwhile mother if you have kids (like, living kids). I told him if he had said that 4 years previous i would have punched him right there. His wife apologized for him but he never did. I don't think he realized how upset that comment made me.

It was a really stupid and hurtful thing to say to a woman who has a child in heaven.  Sure, i have a child here on earth, but part of our family is in heaven.  I am no less of a mother because of that.  But in our society there is just all this weirdness surrounding loss.  No one wants to talk about it, acknowledge it, and in that way, YOU are not acknowledged as a mother.  I hate it.

So today i'm just feeling very depressed.  I'm hurting and i'm not sure exactly why, just that I am.  Our daughter's birthday is coming up at the end of this month.  FOUR YEARS.  It's so hard to swallow for some reason.

so far this year i've been doing pretty well.  I haven't been feeling too funky or upset.  I guess i just saved up all those feelings for now and they all are fighting to be let out.

so not sure why i'm posting today.  I guess i just want to try sharing a little bit of how i'm feeling...
Read the article I posted.  Maybe you can help a mother in your life that is hurting more than you know.